The Borrowers

Post (embed) your favorite videos from your favorite video hosting sites: YouTube, MetaCafe, etc.
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

The Borrowers

Post by Oscar Namechange »

I have a problem.

Believe It or not I am actually a nice person and will help anyone.

About two years ago a couple of women rented a house In my street with a 4 year old and various teenagers between them.

To cut a very long story short, I have loaned them money, groceries, and ciggerettes on and off In the past and now the entire family Is badgering the life out of myself and my husband.

They seem to be going through a hard time with money right now and I always worry that the 4 year old will go without. They are on a key meter and often run out of electricity so I worry about the little boy.

It's got to the point now where I can't pop to the local shop on the corner because I have to walk past their house and when I get back one will be waiting by my gate asking for ciggs, milk, money etc.

They also seem to think that because we have a car, my husband Is now a taxi driver.

A few nights ago, one of the teenage daughters who we don't even know knocked on the door at twenty to ten at night and because the village shop was shut, expected my husband to get the car out to run her to the petrol station. I said no, you're taking the p.iss on that occasion.

The occasional loan, groceries etc has now turned In to wanting to use our phone most days because we have a landline and even my laptop.

Worse... we never even get anything back...

I am on the point of being very rude but remember, I have to live with these people In the street.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
User avatar
tude dog
Posts: 5121
Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2007 11:48 am

The Borrowers

Post by tude dog »

oscar;1434419 wrote: I am on the point of being very rude


Calm down. No reason to be rude. It isn't rude to say NO. You don't need to explain why.

No reason bring up what you have already done for them. Just consider it all a gift. Nothing you say will move them, you been had.

Say NO enough they will get the message and move on, or bother you less.

oscar;1434419 wrote: but remember, I have to live with these people In the street.


I don't know them and have no idea they will react at losing their favorite sucker.

Reminds me of my best friend's Dad when he told me

"There are two ways to tell a person to go to hell. One way they will hate you for it, the other will thank you."

I don't expect they will ever thank you, but with a little tact maybe not be vengeful.

Just say'n
What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?
She had the black vote all locked up.
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

The Borrowers

Post by Oscar Namechange »

Thanks Tude... That was actually very helpful.

One of the women came around yesterday for more ciggarettes and I lied saying I was broke. It's that which doesn't sit well with me, the fact I lied.

They know that the way I live my life Is that I do a big shop once a week and buy my ciggs In bulk so they know I always have groceries In the house unlike them who seem to live day to day. So what do I do? Change the way I live my life so I can genuinely say ' Sorry but I haven't got any' ?

Last week, one of them called round wanting to use my phone and was In my house over an hour. Looking on line, I've now found that the number she assured me was a free phone number has actually cost me £8

I don't want to change the way I shop and my habits but I don't want to have to get nasty either.

In hindsight, I have only myself to blame for loaning them money and groceries In the first place.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
User avatar
LarsMac
Posts: 12431
Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 9:11 pm
Location: Far Out, Man

The Borrowers

Post by LarsMac »

This should be in the "I've been had" thread.

I suppose telling you that you shouldn't have let it go this far would be salt on the wound.

Sorry. You need to make them go "Cold Turkey"

You have done far more than they deserve, and they are playing you, now.

These kinds of people are called "Users"

They will take you for everything they can, and the resent you when you have no more to give. It can not end well. so just put an end to it for your own sanity.
Control is an illusion. The Chaos is all part of the fun.
-Susan Hattie Steinsapir
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

The Borrowers

Post by Oscar Namechange »

LarsMac;1434432 wrote: This should be in the "I've been had" thread.

I suppose telling you that you shouldn't have let it go this far would be salt on the wound.

Sorry. You need to make them go "Cold Turkey"

You have done far more than they deserve, and they are playing you, now.

These kinds of people are called "Users"

They will take you for everything they can, and the resent you when you have no more to give. It can not end well. so just put an end to it for your own sanity.


Thanks Lars...

It Is worth noting that no-one else In the street will entertain them.

It's not just been money, groceries and ciggs but everything and anything. Power tools want borrowing, garden strimmer to be loaned etc etc

I was brought up that first and foremost, you paid your bills... that way, you slept at night. You worked for the things you wanted and nothing was for free. You saved your spare money for emergencies and you budgeted.

I am not entirely unsympathetic because there has been times In my life when I have been very short of money but I had to work like a horse to climb back up.

It's like these people have been totally reckless In life, not paying their bills and getting blacklisted so they can't have a phone etc etc but because there are responsible people In life who have a landline phone eg because they happen to pay their bills, then everyone else should compensate for their failings and open their homes to them.

I want to find a way of saying ' no more' without being offensive.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
Bruv
Posts: 12181
Joined: Sat Aug 18, 2007 3:05 pm

The Borrowers

Post by Bruv »

oscar;1434434 wrote:

I want to find a way of saying ' no more' without being offensive.


There are some people you cannot offend.

Others will take offense over anything.

These people need to be told straight .....NOW.

A simple Eff off might do it..............................but laugh while you are saying it with a bemused resigned look.
I thought I knew more than this until I opened my mouth
User avatar
YZGI
Posts: 11518
Joined: Thu Apr 06, 2006 11:24 am

The Borrowers

Post by YZGI »

Next time asked just tell them that a family member is going through rough times and all your extra will be going to support them through their time of trouble. Family must come first.
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

The Borrowers

Post by Oscar Namechange »

YZGI;1434444 wrote: Next time asked just tell them that a family member is going through rough times and all your extra will be going to support them through their time of trouble. Family must come first.


Now that Is brilliant !!!!

Sorted

Yep, will use that. Thanks
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
User avatar
Snooz
Posts: 4800
Joined: Sat Jan 20, 2007 7:05 am

The Borrowers

Post by Snooz »

I wouldn't answer the door and if I ran into them outside, I'd pretend they weren't there. If they got in my face, I'd scream as loud as I could and look crazy.

Okay, I might not do all that but I definitely wouldn't answer the door. I don't care if someone knows I'm home, I'm not required to talk to them either at the door or on the phone. They sure as hell wouldn't get inside again.
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

The Borrowers

Post by Oscar Namechange »

SnoozeAgain;1434456 wrote: I wouldn't answer the door and if I ran into them outside, I'd pretend they weren't there. If they got in my face, I'd scream as loud as I could and look crazy.

Okay, I might not do all that but I definitely wouldn't answer the door. I don't care if someone knows I'm home, I'm not required to talk to them either at the door or on the phone. They sure as hell wouldn't get inside again. One night, one of them called at 10.45 at night. I thought It was some emergency but she just wanted ciggs.

I think Wisey's Idea Is brilliant and should work.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
User avatar
along-for-the-ride
Posts: 11732
Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2005 4:28 pm

The Borrowers

Post by along-for-the-ride »

I hear you my friend.

"There are three rules to follow when dealing with these situations. The first thing is to take care of it right away. Nip it in the bud. The longer you wait to handle a situation, the harder it becomes. Another thing is to simply learn to say no. If you say no, then there is no way someone can take advantage of you. The last thing is something people often forget, remember you're the good guy and just because you say no doesn't mean you're in the wrong. If someone is a freeloader and they keep coming back to you for money or other forms of help, and you say no, how does that make you the bad person in the situation?"

I found this advice and thought it might help. oscar. :)

Here's another one:

"Just tell your neighbor you don't, can't and won't. People like her HAVE to mooch because they have no other resources. They ask and ask and ask until they do not get results, then they move onto another resource/person to get what they want. They are users and will take, take and take some more, as long as you are willing to give.

You teach people how to treat you. If you allow it, it will continue. She will not get mad. This is how she survives. She survives by mooching of anyone who will give her want she wants."

And......a website:

http://completewellbeing.com/article/fr ... s-in-need/
Life is a Highway. Let's share the Commute.
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

The Borrowers

Post by Oscar Namechange »

Thanks D for taking the trouble to find that site.

There Is so much In that link that Is so true of the situation I am In right now.

If they were friends, I wouldn't mind but they just live In the same street as me.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
User avatar
Lady J
Posts: 1085
Joined: Sun Aug 14, 2011 6:08 pm

The Borrowers

Post by Lady J »

Oscar...You could probably make a TV series of this....

but it all honest.

Everyone is right. It needs to stop.

My method would be to say to the head of household (if there is one)

'I have given you and yours enuf to the point where I am being abused. (they probably know this and just hope you don't) this must stop. I am more then willing to talk with local shop keepers and others I know to find employment for you and yours. I was happy to help when I could but this has gone beyond that. I am sorry if this put you off but it is what it is.'

I believe in the direct approach...sometimes cold but real and honest.

Let's you sleep better at night.

and speaking of sleeping better....if I were you I would make sure your home is secure and the dogs and foxes are alert.

Once you turn them away they may try to steal what you have. I hate to say this...I want to believe in mankind....but I have learned differently.

It is a shame when those who give are punished for their kindness.

Lady J
User avatar
Snooz
Posts: 4800
Joined: Sat Jan 20, 2007 7:05 am

The Borrowers

Post by Snooz »

Yeah, the thievery likelihood occurred to me as well.
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

The Borrowers

Post by Oscar Namechange »

SnoozeAgain;1434483 wrote: Yeah, the thievery likelihood occurred to me as well.


Lady J and Snooze...

Funny because when I put this on facebook, one of my girlfriends said ' Better start locking your doors'...The saving grace I do have there. Is that luckilly they are all frightened of boy dog Mulder.

But again, I am angry that I have to change my lifestyle because of these people. I always leave all my windows open when I go out and have done for years so the cat can get In and out when he likes. I know every single person In the street and trust them all.

Funny you two should post that because we got up this morning and found a broken necklace on our path and I can say 100 % that It was not there when I went out to the Foxes last night at midnight,

I have been round to them this morning and It belongs to one of the teenage daughters so I asked what she was doing Inside my garden at that time of the night or morning to be told ' Don't know, she didn't come home last night'...
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

The Borrowers

Post by Oscar Namechange »

Right... now the gloves are off.

Just been to my elderly neighbour who's struggling a bit with Ill health at the moment and he's just told me that one of the women called on him last night asking for £25.

He's old, alone and lives on a pension.

Apparently she told him It was for food and he said he didn't have any money In the house. Yet he said they must have got the money from somewhere else because they walked back past his house later with carrier bags of booze from the Off Licence.

So I went and saw the guy who lives next door to the old man and he's promised me he'll phone me If he see's these woman calling on him,
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
User avatar
tude dog
Posts: 5121
Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2007 11:48 am

The Borrowers

Post by tude dog »

oscar;1434521 wrote: they must have got the money from somewhere else because they walked back past his house later with carrier bags of booze from the Off Licence.


I'm shocked!
What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?
She had the black vote all locked up.
User avatar
Oscar Namechange
Posts: 31842
Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am

The Borrowers

Post by Oscar Namechange »

The latest:

Unbelievable !!!

Went down the corner shop yesterday and saw them coming up the street. As they were about to draw level, I said Hello and they Ignored me. So I said Hello again and both women completely blanked me as they walked by.

Went to the elderly neighbour today who told me twice he was sitting his window and usually they give him a wave, but both times they also blanked him. No doubt because he wouldn't loan them the £25.

I just hope they haven't found a new sucker In the street but how can people be like that ?

Good riddance I say... they will never get another bean out of me.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
Bruv
Posts: 12181
Joined: Sat Aug 18, 2007 3:05 pm

The Borrowers

Post by Bruv »

Maybe they are members here.........
I thought I knew more than this until I opened my mouth
User avatar
Snooz
Posts: 4800
Joined: Sat Jan 20, 2007 7:05 am

The Borrowers

Post by Snooz »

oscar;1435177 wrote: The latest:

Unbelievable !!!

Went down the corner shop yesterday and saw them coming up the street. As they were about to draw level, I said Hello and they Ignored me. So I said Hello again and both women completely blanked me as they walked by.

Went to the elderly neighbour today who told me twice he was sitting his window and usually they give him a wave, but both times they also blanked him. No doubt because he wouldn't loan them the £25.

I just hope they haven't found a new sucker In the street but how can people be like that ?

Good riddance I say... they will never get another bean out of me.


Them ignoring you is the perfect resolution to this. Here's hoping they continue to do so.

Return to “People”